Old Notes

Darkness defamiliarises, my notebook advises, in neat ink, circa 1993. It is a form of chaos, of exhilaration: everyone has a need to be uncontrolled if they seek to know themselves. We learn our capabilities in the dark. Or we give up control, shirk the responsibility, roll helpless at the whim of the moon.
Thumb a few pages further: find a transcription. 'Conversations with the sea.'
Think of a beach under a night sky; where I hear my thoughts most clearly.
The neat ink reads:
The spray was tall, lashing overhead.
I'm back to see you, I said.
I know, said the sea, which seemed to be laughing. There's no lesson for you today though. Just rest.
How should I rest? Do you have nothing to teach me today?
If a lesson happens, then so it does. Don't be impatient, you're on the right path.
Does it have a name, this path?
No, of course not. It hasn't been charted yet.
I write some of this down now. You're in my book.
I know.
Is that all right?
I am the sea. I will tell you things. But if you step into a wave I might dash you on the rocks. You may drown in me. I must stay true to my sea nature. You are you.
The sea laughed and laughed.
You are so tiny, it said: don't worry. Remember maya.
You say we're an illusion? The world is an illusion?
Maybe. Keep watching the waves.


Suze said…
'I know, said the sea, which seemed to be laughing. There's no lesson for you today though. Just rest.'

So I started kind of feeling the pleasure of being overwhelmed by your wisdom right around here and it just got keener.

Lisa, you are a gem. This is so beautiful. I almost bought this memoir by a Buddhist surfer -- I've been contemplating reading it since the holidays -- but passed on it again in favor of another book. Maybe this is a sign I should look again.

I don't know. Amazing post, friend. Just amazing.
Someone very clever wrote in that old notebook of yours.
Lisa Southard said…
Pulled this old notebook from the shelf of old notebooks on impulse- and there were those words, and it's odd but amusing and probably good that something I wrote all those years ago is something I needed to read at this point in time. Hope I can keep giving sustenance to my future selves :-) xx

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