What to do with yourself, while you are waiting for an
outcome that is inevitable, but hasn't yet happened?
I walk, in the last month of this coldest spring, down
the lanes: even in chill here come the fork tailed birds of summer; fat bees,
the first fruit on the wild strawberry. Such calm, such soothing words. I have
my phone which I type on so slowly. There is no one for miles. There is a voice
memo function. I speak the words about the fork tail birds, fat bees, first
fruits. My voice quavers, a little. The phone hears this:
On this last month o underslung last man
to disco disc brake hey come this tailored fit summer is that bees fresh fruit
wild strawberry
Poetic comedy, exactly what is needed.
I say, Universe, I need a miracle.
Later, my car is stamped safe for road use for another
year. I should have chosen my thoughts with greater precision.
Inevitable, but not yet happened. The white bells
shine in hedgerow groups, gathered, congregational, sepulchral.
Lis, you okay? I'm trying hard to read between, over, under and through the lines here. Last word's a bit disconcerting.
ReplyDeleteNot an easy situation to write about: I am okay, though I always say that! We are waiting for news: my friend's husband is dying. I am writing these things for her, really, without wanting to cause worry, but this is so hard for her to bear and we are too far away to be there with her, this and phone calls are what I can do to help. He's been ill a while, but there's no real preparing for the brunt of such reality. She is amazing and strong, and will get through this: even so, it's a difficult thing.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your friend's husband. Long goodbyes are very hard; a different kind of pain than unexpected death. Which is also hard. (And "hard" is not the right word, but there's not really a word big enough.)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have bees this year: we are seeing a noticeable drop in our bee population. And maybe because of that: none of my fruit trees are bearing this year. (Could also be the late chill.)
I'm so sorry. Sounds rough, but you're expressing the sentiments beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Suze, Stephanie and Susan xxx And let's hope the chill is done, we could all do with cheery weather!!
ReplyDeleteHave read this. With you in spirit.
ReplyDelete