A brief explanation of why I would be a brilliantly intolerant God

‘In so far as you may be aware, you have this one life. It is an exceptionally precious gift, though I say so myself, and I stayed awake for six consecutive days and nights, knocking back enough espresso to kill a minor deity, creating the earth and heavens so that these freely given lives could be played out under the wide sky, under the variations of sun, cloud, mist, moon, stars, eclipses, meteor showers, rainbows and weather systems that give each day, each season, each year its own particular feel, to make each life specifically different. Don’t just look up; the terrain under your feet, the horizon around you, the subterranean rock textures, the leaves on trees, the light configurations in a block of high-rise flats are just as variable. Don’t just look; use every sense you have. Hear it, taste it feel it: every moment you have is unique. But are you paying any attention? Have you looked at the sky in the last 24 hours; have you noted the clouds, or the breeze or the fineness of the rain? Have you looked at the ground, observed the grass that has dried out in the sun, or the reflections in puddles? Have you held another person’s hand, smiled at someone, patted a dog, have you ever saved a toad from being run over? 
I’m watching the news and tapping my fingers on my coffee table. All of that spectacular distinctive unique amazing creation, huffed off in favour of what?! The next rainbow I make will have a sharp edge, and I’m going to twirl it round the earth like a pretty nun chuck, because you are wasting my time and space.
Find something to marvel at before I get mad. You have 10 seconds.’

This was, admittedly, quite an ambitious job application, and I haven’t heard anything back.


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